I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
