You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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