Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
