I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
