I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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