I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
