i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
And then he peed in my hair
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