I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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