I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He told me they were just razor bumps!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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