when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
