She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He felt like a one man threesome
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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