"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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