Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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