I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize