I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
