you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
