Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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