We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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