Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My ass is underappreciated
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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