Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
