Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
