I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
