I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
