I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
