Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
