and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
