they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
