Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
