who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
