with your own penis?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
