Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
