i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
