I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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