So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
