Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
