i think my mom watched the whole time
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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