At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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