Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
