I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
