is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
