After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
