dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
