He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
