God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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