Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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