i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
not ubering you a puppy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Text me some of your sweat
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
