Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I party with great urgency now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
