I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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