She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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