I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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