i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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