Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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