Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
