Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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