I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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