You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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