The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
