are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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