Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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