BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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