i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
