five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I believe in your delicious
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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