In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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