I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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