from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
