thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
