It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
