what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
