Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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