as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
